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Posted by: Jack
« on: October 23, 2018, 04:23:03 pm »

I'm not sure that a social worker is appropriate, because we're not talking about health issues (not yet, at least).  On the other hand, maybe I could at least talk the general issues over with one and see what they think.

Thanks - both for the suggestions and the understanding.
Posted by: db105
« on: October 23, 2018, 04:18:35 pm »

I'm sorry about that situation, Jack. Patience and ask for help when you need it, and of course do not worry about updating when you have no time or energy. Take care!
Posted by: Leti
« on: October 23, 2018, 03:09:41 pm »

Hugs Jack!

Do not worry about the updates! Take care of yourself.

It is hard to be the care giver of your parents. I take care of my dad that is 78 yo, in general he is a good patient, but there are moments  when he insists that he is the boss and we have to do as he says. And If I try to explain something that need to be done he asks me to to yell at him.
  ::)

It maybe a good idea for your mother to talk to a social worker or therapist, to help her realize the situation.

Hugs again

Leti
Posted by: Zyngaru
« on: October 23, 2018, 08:57:07 am »

I like what Mr. Mahoover said about having someone from outside talk with her about the help that is available and the help that she needs. Some people just do not accept what family says about things.  They need someone else to say the same thing before they accept it.

My brother-in-law has dementia.  Medicare pays for an aide to come in three times a week to give him a bath.  My sister would have to argue with him to take a bath, but the aide just comes in and he goes and takes his bath, without an argument.  He gets a nurse that comes in every other week to check on him, to make sure all is going well.  The aides are there for an hour on each visit and will do other things to fill that hour like clean his room.

My brother-in-law will do whatever the outside help want him to do, because he wants to show off for them.  But he will argue and refuse to do what my sister tells him to do.  The nurse will also work with you and help you communicate with your mom.  My sister uses the nurse to get what needs to be done.  She tells the nurse and then the nurse tells her husband.  He then accepts it because his NURSE told him.  That might be a way to get a home cleaning service into your mom's house.  Maybe even a live in caregiver, if you feel that could help you get your life back.

Dementia and Alzheimer's  patients are difficult to deal with and will rob you of your life.  Old people in general will rob you of your life.  They require care and time from you.  Been there done that.  I hope you can find ways to spread out your mom's care with others, so you are not carrying the whole burden.
Posted by: kalico
« on: October 23, 2018, 08:53:01 am »

HUGS JACK......

Take care of yourself too and your right we do understand....
Happy everything else is going pretty good for you...




Hugs kal
Posted by: mahoover
« on: October 23, 2018, 08:10:20 am »

I don't know enough about what is going on, so I may be way off base.  One thing that helped when my grandmother was not wanting to get some help with the house was the county health services.  They had a person that can explain to the elder what Medicaid/Medicare does and does not pay for, and what other services were available.  We had told her some of the very same things, but hearing it from a non-family member helped her to accept it.  You might look to see if there is anything similar in your area.
Posted by: David M. Katz
« on: October 23, 2018, 06:29:57 am »

Understood.

It sounds like you might have to eventually draw a line with your mother.
Posted by: Jack
« on: October 23, 2018, 04:05:05 am »

Those of you who see me in chat on a regular basis probably have some idea of what's going on these days, and I've alluded to it in posts a couple of times.

This is one of those times when real life is just interfering with my ability to blog.  I mentioned that a couple of CP sessions happened here over the weekend, and someone (Zac, I think) mentioned that I hadn't even started a Spanking Report for Oct.  Suffice it to say that some spankings have occurred, buy my time and energy has been very limited.

I don't think I have to address the issue of my mother, except to say that she's 70 years old, she is having mobility issues which can't be corrected by surgery right now, because of other health problems, and I'm afraid she might be in the early stages of Alzheimer's.  She's not only not able to care for herself completely right now, but she had a couple of people living with her for a while, and it seems like they were taking advantage of her. 

I'll be honest that I strongly resent a lot of what's going on.  I've talked about my mom before, both recently and in my childhood.  While I can and do get along with her, and while we do have a lot of interests in common, I also don't think we have the best relationship.  The truth is that she's one of those people who is never at fault for anything. She will not admit that anything was ever her fault, and the most she will do is claim that she did the best she could, which she seems to think makes everything okay. 

The other problem is a sort of warped pride.  I have no problem with paying for a maid service to come in and do a thorough cleaning for her, but she 'doesn't want them to see her house in this shape'.  Daniel has been over there doing her yard work lately, and I've been over there almost every day after school, doing minor repairs, cleaning things, and trying to take care of the worst problems, but I resent it.  I resent not being able to spend time at the stores, I resent not having time to bake for the kids before they get home, and I resent not having time to myself in the afternoons.  I also resent her unreasonable expectations, but it seems like the more I do, the more she thinks I'm going to do.

We've had a couple of fights/arguments/disagreements lately, because she feels she's 'an adult and can do what (she) wants'.  I have tried to avoid pointing out that's obviously not true, or I wouldn't have to be there doing all this.  I'm sure part of it is that she just wants some attention, and maybe I have been lacking in that department (though she has no kind of social life, no matter how often I've encouraged her), but I am feeling kind of worn thin right now.

Anyway, I am around, and - from the family's perspective - everything is going well.  I'm just very busy with stuff that will hopefully soon get under control, and I'm kind of tired when I do have a bit of spare time.  I know you all understand, but I do feel I should try to keep you at least a bit in the loop and let you know things are going pretty well over all.  I'm sure things well settle down soon, and I'll update specifics when I can.