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Posted by: Jack
« on: June 25, 2018, 04:25:04 am »

Ralph's parents had lunch with us yesterday.  They had called and asked if it was possible.  They didn't want anything specific, but Ralph is over here almost every day these days, and they just wanted to get to know me outside of school.  They actually apologized for asking, and said they would normally have invited us over, but.... I had to laugh at them and  assured them it wasn't the first time we'd had that issue.

Both of his parents assured me that Ralph is actually doing very well right now.   Apparently puberty mellowed a lot of his ADHD issues.  He's at the point where, though his parents are being stricter with him about some things, he's actually getting in less trouble.  In turn, he's earning more freedom in other areas.

His mom did mention that she hasn't whipped him since last fall, and he's big enough know that she thinks she'll leave that to his dad from now on.

Outside that one whipping at the start of the month, it sounds like Ralph has been doing really well lately.

I didn't really learn anything new, but it was a nice visit.
Posted by: Jack
« on: June 08, 2018, 04:36:36 pm »

I actually just posted this in the June 18 Spanking Report, but I thought it would be best to share it in both places, just to make it easier to find.

Quote: June '18 Spanking Report - 8 June 2018

Ralph was pretty hyper yesterday, and I had to call him down several times.  The third time it happened, not long before his mom picked him up, I took him aside and talked to him a bit.

I started off by stressing that he wasn't in trouble, but that he had been pushing it all day, and I reminded him it's very important that he learn to start watching for his signs and take a break when he needs one.

He apologized and promised to try harder, and we reviewed his signs.  Then I pointed out that I'd hate to have to spank him because he wasn't controlling himself, but that I would - as an example for the other boys, as well as a reminder to him that it's his responsibility to handle self-care. 

He agreed that he'd hate that too.

Then I asked how long he's been out of trouble.

He blushed deeply and admitted he got a whuppin' on Monday.

It turns out that, on Saturday, he'd had some chore troubles.  His dad agreed to call it forgetfulness, rather than lying, but he also reminded Ralph how important it is to always check his lists to make sure he's not forgetting stuff (part of how they deal with his ADHD).  He ended up losing his gaming privileges for three days.  That really was letting him off pretty easy, since he was already going to be spending most of Monday and Tuesday over here.

Well, Monday, he rode home with a friend after Scouts.  When he arrived, there was a note from mom that she was going to the grocery store and running a couple of errands, with an estimate of when she'd be home.  Since his game was put away, he let himself into his parents bedroom (where he's not supposed to be), and played their game.  And ended up turning up the volume a bit, so he missed when Dad got home.

I started to quote this next part, but between the way he speaks and not being able to type the hand motions he was making, I think it would be quicker and more clear if I didn't.

He sleeps on a twin bed.  The headboard is against the wall under a window, but the rest pokes out into the room.  When he's about to get a whupping, he has to move a couple of pillows to the foot of the bed, turned sidewise to how they normally are, and in the side-to-side center of the bed.  He always get spanked bare these days (which he's told me before).  He did go on to say that, if he's wearing jeans or 'even (his) school pants' he just shoves them down, but his basketball shorts don't stay on when he does that, so he just takes them and his briefs off.  When Dad shows up, he has to go over the bed, with his head and shoulders hanging off one side, his waist and hips supported (and raised) by the pillows, and his lower legs hanging off the other side.  Dad stands at the foot of the bed to do the actual whipping.

Ralph doesn't know how many he gets.  He's tried to count before, but says he can never keep count past three or four.

When it's over, his dad leaves him alone, and he's allowed to get up, clean up, and dress whenever he's ready.
Posted by: Jack
« on: June 04, 2018, 01:50:22 pm »

Quote from: Journey on June 04, 2018, 06:57:58 am
Maybe starting Ralph out in the undisciplined middle school class is a good idea. I've seen students get discouraged because the reading material is above their level. It's also much better to "upgrade" Ralph to the higher level class later on than to "downgrade" him.

Actually, either I misunderstood something, else the person who first brought it up to me made a mistake.  The plan all along was to allow Ralph to attend my undisciplined class, rather than the 9th grade remedial class.  While they don't want to open that up to anyone, they felt that given his age, the relationship he and I built, and that he does seem to benefit from an 'all ADHD environment' with different discipline expectations makes it worth the exception in his singular case.

Quote from: Journey on June 04, 2018, 06:57:58 am
(By the way, this is out of place, but I read the old post (the first post in this thread) about you chatting with Marcus in the locker room, and I wondered: Do the BCA students know that Marcus is your son?)

It seems to be known but not commonly.  I can't remember who it was right off hand, but I spoke to a student just the other day who didn't know it.  On the other hand, I know a lot of people do.  I think it might depend on how well they know one of my kids.
Posted by: Journey
« on: June 04, 2018, 06:57:58 am »

Maybe starting Ralph out in the undisciplined middle school class is a good idea. I've seen students get discouraged because the reading material is above their level. It's also much better to "upgrade" Ralph to the higher level class later on than to "downgrade" him.

I've made a few mistakes before by not placing kids in an environment where they can succeed. Things like that can really de-motivate kids easily.

I also agree with Zyngaru about Ralph possibly getting embarrassed if he doesn't do as well as the younger kids.

Still, I don't know Ralph or the specifics of the situation, so I may not be the best judge. You just do what you think is best, Jack. :) I'm so glad your students have been improving so much under your care!

(By the way, this is out of place, but I read the old post (the first post in this thread) about you chatting with Marcus in the lockerroom, and I wondered: Do the BCA students know that Marcus is your son?)
Posted by: Zyngaru
« on: June 03, 2018, 04:07:01 pm »

Quote from: Jack on June 03, 2018, 01:44:50 pm
but I'm wondering if it would be better to at least start him in the middle school undisciplined class.  In that case, I'll be able to push him more easily than I could let him lag in the advanced class.  Also, current planning looks like the undisciplined class will be dealing more with ADHD issues and learning/coping techniques, along with the actual reading.

I didn't know about the Middle School Undisciplined class being ADHD, but that makes a whole lot more sense to me, than possibly stressing Ralph with going into an advanced class.  Especially since he is high school (?) and going back into a middle school class, if he doesn't do well, it could really hurt his confidence, knowing that younger kids are that much better than him.

It just sounds to me that the Middle School Undisciplined Class is made for him if he can deal with probably being the oldest kid in the class.  If he can see that as a positive and not a demotion.

Posted by: Jack
« on: June 03, 2018, 01:44:50 pm »

That pretty much is what worries me, Zyngaru.  After all, while Ralph made a lot of advancement this past semester (which I think has more to do with him being interested and wanting to do well than in a huge jump in his actually ability), he's still reading below his grade level.

Putting him in an advanced class of a lower grade level seems like it's pretty much breaking even, but I'm wondering if it would be better to at least start him in the middle school undisciplined class.  In that case, I'll be able to push him more easily than I could let him lag in the advanced class.  Also, current planning looks like the undisciplined class will be dealing more with ADHD issues and learning/coping techniques, along with the actual reading.
Posted by: db105
« on: June 03, 2018, 01:22:00 pm »

Nice to know the class is having a positive impact, even if it's not as much as Ralph's parents think.

I normally would call that magical thinking, but talisman works too.
Posted by: Zyngaru
« on: June 03, 2018, 12:55:55 pm »

If it works out that he is in one of your classes, hopefully it being an advanced class, won't do just the opposite of what his previous class accomplished.  It sounds like from his scores, that he excelled in last term's class.  What happens if next term's class is too difficult (challenging) for him and he digresses?

Boys tend to do well when they feel like they are winning.  (Last term's class provide the environment for him to win), But when they start loosing, (When the environment is too challenging for them), some tend to want to give up instead of trying harder.

I know you will want to make sure he isn't challenged beyond his capability, but in an advanced class, you will be bound by what the class needs more than just one student.

So I agree that a one on one conversation with Ralph is very important to know what he wants (Not just what his parents want for him).  Sometimes it is the same thing but all too often, parents push their kids beyond their ability to perform and it can crush a kid.

I know you are more interested in Ralph and what is best for him, than what his parents think is best for him.  I like the Talisman idea.  Jack is a TALISMAN.
Posted by: Jack
« on: June 03, 2018, 11:18:21 am »

Ralph was not only one of my students this past semester, but he was honestly one of my favorites.  Instead of sharing why, allow me to re-share these old posts with you.

Quote Jack from Teaching - 24 January 2018

There's one boy named Ralph, who's in 8th grade.  I believe he's already 14.

Ralph is a pretty average looking kid, except for a bit of a week chin, nice eyes, and very thick, slightly curly brown hair.  He's probably about average size for that age - about 5'6" or so, and thinnish - maybe 125 lbs.  He has a nice, low tenor voice, and he's willing to talk, so I already like him.

When I was leaving yesterday, I stopped to talk to Marcus.  Between me being in the hospital, and several birthdays, along with other things, this month has been a bit off kilter  I wanted to make sure we all had our ducks in a row.   He had a gym class, and I found him in the locker room.  While I was chatting with Marcus, Ralph walked in, went to a locker, and started stripping down.  He wears white, Fruit of the Loom briefs.  He has a firm build, with just a hint of a waist and hips, and while his buttocks are a bit deeply dimpled on the sides, they're nicely arched out in the back.  As I was leaving, he saw me and waved, turning enough to reveal he also seems to have a nice bulge.

A few days later, on 29 January

It'll be fun to see Ralph in class today.

The theater where we saw Death Cure is older.  They've done a lot of remodeling over the years, but their men's room doesn't have privacy guards on the urinals.  Ralph and I ended up next to each other, and he doesn't seem especially shy - he has a pretty cute (and decent sized) package.

It was also cute at the house that night.   He apparently loves animals, and spent some time visiting Van, including going to my room to see the ferrets (with permission).   Ralph and I talked for a while, and he asked about the Red Maple.  I told him that I don't share specifics about my kids discipline.  I let him know that I do spank, but I'm not going to say who, when, or why.  I suggested he wouldn't like his dad telling me.  He just shrugged - he was wearing lounge pants with no shirt, and the pants kept sliding down his barely existent hips to reveal his Hanes briefs, though they were light gray instead of white this time - and said his dad almost always uses the belt.  "When I was little, he used my belt on my pants most of the time, but he says if it's serious enough for me to get the belt at my age, it's too serious to keep 'em up anymore.'

I still didn't tell him anything about Colt, but I did answer his general questions, which was more about school anyway.

And on 1 February
Ralph walked into class yesterday, talking with another boy (a ninth grader).

"No seriously - look.  Mr. Wells, (he) doesn't believe me about Fido."

So, the first five minutes of class involved watching videos on my phone of Fido performing tricks or just acting like Fido.  Of course, the entire class had to see them.

Now they want  Fido to come to class for a visit.

I'm thinking - you just say videos of this rabbit hitting me and chasing dogs and kids.  I guess they want to find out for real.

Oh well - I told them that, if they behave, and if we get ahead before the end of the six weeks, I'll ask if he can visit.


In related news, Colt and I had a talk about some of the boys whom he had over for the movie whom haven't visited before.  He likes some of them more than others, but there aren't any he really dislikes.  He was asking about how many kids he can have over on a regular basis (keep it about where it is after school, but a few more on weekends - during the days, not sleepovers - would be okay).  It turns out that Emmet and Ralph are friends, so Colt had considered asking him over more often.  Emmet has asked his own friends a couple of times, but he usually just hangs out with Colt. I'll probably talk with him about that myself.  Still, it seems like we all like Ralph, so he'll probably start being a more regular visitor.

I don't seem to have mentioned Ralph in my Teaching thread after that, but he's been around.

The thing is, I really like Ralph.  Beyond what I said about him above, he's a bit geeky (both in looks and in attitude), which I always love.  He dresses nice, usually within the limits of the dress code at school, but outside of school as well most of the time.  Ralph does have ADHD, though he either deals with it really well or he's growing out of it, though I think he suffers from combination type, and the inattentive is still a problem for him.  There are times, as his teacher, when I have to get in his face and make sure he's with us, but even that's not too often.

Mostly I've really liked having Ralph around.  While I expect to see a lot of him over the summer, I'll miss having him in class next year.

At least that's what I thought.  And then Mr. P shared this with me before the graduation ceremony last night.

"Ralph Peterman's parents have been complaining."

"Why?" I asked, really confused, since I couldn't think of any interaction Ralph and I had had that had been bad, or why Mr. P would be telling me about problems with other teachers.

By the way, I should mention here that all my students took a reading level test at the end of the fall semester, then another test a couple of weeks ago, to see if there was a good reason for more classes like I'm doing.

Well, Mr. and Ms. Peterman's complaints were pretty straight forward.  Not only did Ralph's reading level go from a 5.6 to a 7.9, but he's been playing less video games, he's been engaging socially with more of his peers (not just when visiting at my house, but at his own home as well), and his behavior at home has improved.

Now, I'm not going to try to take credit for even half of that.  The fact that they apparently think he's going to backslide if he's not in my class is an example of what I call 'talismanic thinking' (though I'm sure there's another name for it).  To me, that's when someone sees something happen, and they see an object of focus, and so all the blame/praise for all the changes goes t that 'talisman'.  d

Honestly, I think I'm really responsible for just one thing - I engaged him.  That was the purpose of the class.  I reached out to the kids and showed them that what they thought was a dismal chore (reading) could actually be the beginning of visits to worlds they'd never imagined.  Beyond that, the fact that Ralph new Cole and was already friends with Emmet almost guaranteed he'd be invited over here more often, once he became one of my students.  The thing you have to remember is that ADHD kids sometimes have trouble making friends for various reasons.  The counterpoint to that is that a lot of my kids have various degrees of learning disabilities, and all of them have had therapy (you don't wind up in foster care because your life has been so great).  Between those two things, my house is a great place for a kid with ADHD who has had trouble making friends, and that's the kind of thing that can really help one's self-confidence and encourage one to reach out.

To make a long story short (I know - too late!), despite being a freshman next year, Ralph is going to be placed in my advanced middle school class.  Mr. C and his parents have both talked to him, and I'm going to talk to him before it's 100%.  However, he says he understands that the class is going to be challenging, and that he'll be the slowest reader in the bunch, so he's going to have to work hard to keep up, as well as the fact that he'll be under stricter discipline in this class than in a normal one.

He was supposed to be coming over this afternoon to spend the night, but recent events might have changed that, so I"m not sure if he and I will have our chance to talk today or not, but as long as I'm sure he understand what it going to be expected of him, I'm happy to have him.